Find Friends Fast!

I have found that there is something really important to living in a new area, whether it be going to college away from home or moving across the world. The single most important piece of advice that I have is to find friends early. 

It is especially important in a new environment, job, and hobby group to find those who you feel close to. Finding friends really gives you connection to a place, and helps you feel like you belong and are part of the group. 

I have definitely found this to be true in college. Take advantage of activity nights in your dorm, and go out of your way to meet new people. You will be glad you did. 

This is even more true when living abroad. I remember that I made my first friend here before school even started. I went to the information session for transfer students, and several people and I sat outside the lecture room waiting for the doors to open. A girl sat next to me, and although I am shy and don’t normally do this, I knew I needed to because I needed a friend. I started talking to her, and found out she is a German who had spent a semester in Canada, and had really good English. We had a nice conversation, and then the doors to the session opened. 

After going inside, I almost did not sit next to her, being the stubborn and shy person that I am. But I took a chance and asked her if I could sit next to her, and she agreed.

Lesson 1: Go out of your comfort zone and talk to others. Join clubs, talk to strangers on the subway, get to know people. You have no way of knowing which of them will stick around, so why not try to be friends with everyone?

After the session, we exchanged numbers, and to this day, we are still great friends. That was 1.5 years ago. Since then, we have become regular lunch buddies, celebrated each others’ birthdays, traveled to new cities, helped each other with homework, and more.  

As much as a person thinks they don’t need friends, they really do. They keep you grounded. I was really glad that I went out of my comfort zone to talk to my German friend, Debbie. She was the first person who made me feel like I truly belonged here in Essen, Germany. 

I have had similar experiences at my tutoring job here and in my practicum semester. It is always hard to talk to new people in the beginning, but I recommend that you do this. You don’t have to talk to all the people in the group, just one or two, or those sitting next to you. You will be glad that you did. 

I feel that in the USA, friends are easier to come by. It helps that people are generally warm and open to others, and interested in how their days are going. In Germany, people tend to keep to themselves more. This does not mean that they don’t like you, but that they take honest interest in others very seriously. You have to kind of break down their guard wall before you can get close to them. 

However, Germans find that having friends is very important, and will spend hours catching up with their friends. This is something I have had to get used to. I feel like catching up with friends in the States can also take this long, but it is rare that people spend 4 hours at a restaurant just talking, at least for me. This weekend, I had the opportunity to meet my friend Lara from my practicum semester at a cafe. We always find things to talk about, and this time we sat there for 4 hours chatting! We were not the ones who were there the longest- we came in after two girls, and left before they left. 

As a person from the United States, I feel as though this is incredibly long to sit at a restaurant and chat. Most Americans seem to want to catch up a bit, and then get on to their next task. Despite my previous culturization, I have learned to expect and accept that “having coffee with friends” really means chatting for several hours and catching up. I recognize this as an important part of German culture, and look forward to bringing this perspective with me when I move back. I really like getting to spend uninterrupted time with my friends, and getting a chance to chat with them and disconnect from the outside world. 

Spending time connecting with friends gives me new perspectives to think about when I am back on my own time. And, in any case, I do not feel alone here. 

“PERHAPS TRAVEL CANNOT PREVENT BIGOTRY, BUT BY DEMONSTRATING THAT ALL PEOPLE CRY, LAUGH, EAT, WORRY, AND DIE, IT CAN INTRODUCE THE IDEA THAT IF WE TRY AND UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER, WE MAY EVEN BECOME FRIENDS.” – MAYA ANGELOU